#AsSheIs

I didn’t hear about the #AsSheIs campaign on Instagram until today, and I certainly did not plan on posting an unfiltered pic with acne and a cold sore. I always appreciate an invitation to step out of my comfort zone, though, and the reason this campaign exists is too close to my heart for me not to participate.

For far too long—and because of was modeled to me by my family and culture—the appearance of being ok mattered more to me than actually *being* ok. I hid my insecurities behind perfect grades, stellar job performances, makeup, expensive clothes and accessories, constant dieting, and of course, perfect photos posted to social media of my ‘perfect’ life.

I drank a lot to keep this facade up. I knew from the moment I drank alcohol at 16 that I was not in control of my usage, but it would be another 21 years before I’d be forced to address it. By the time I was 37, several glasses of wine was a nightly habit, and I drank much more if I was in a social situation. Drinking was literally the only way I knew how to relax before finding yoga.

After several mental health breakdowns I finally had to admit to myself that I wasn’t, in fact, ok. That the feeling in my chest that had accompanied my every waking moment since about age 6 had a name:

ANXIETY.

I didn’t give up alcohol completely, but I did give up lying to myself about why I was using it. Labeling that feeling was the first step towards labeling what had caused it:

TRAUMA.

I’ll be talking a lot more on Facebook and Instagram about trauma and anxiety, alcohol, cannabis, body image, perfectionism, and mental illness in the hopes that it reaches young women and men who find themselves where I was two years ago: hopeless, terrified and suicidal.

The purpose of the As She Is campaign is to encourage more women to be their authentic selves online. I see so much potential for good with social media, but it is also known to increase depression, anxiety and even suicidality among its users. Let’s break down the barriers and silence the voices that tell us women only exist in this world to be pretty and thin and agreeable. Fuck that shit. I’d rather hear about your depression and anxiety than your death.

If you aren't already following me on Instagram @chsyoga, please do! Let's create a world where authenticity matters more than appearance.