January 1, 1995

I went on my first official diet January 1st, 1995. That it strongly resembled anorexia should have raised major red flags to the adults around me, but did not. On the brink of turning 16–and completely motivated by wanting attention from boys—I decided that I would not eat until I’d ran 4 miles  day, and even then I limited myself to grilled chicken, steamed vegetables, Snackwell cookies and other “diet approved” snacks. I lost 30 pounds in a single month, got the attention I was seeking from boys, and was praised for my “discipline” and “willpower” by my parents and friends. 

I was hooked.

For the next 20 years, I was either on a diet or eating everything in sight preparing for the next one—though none were as “successful” as the first. The weight loss was ALWAYS temporary, and it came back twice as fast as I’d lost it. I felt ashamed by every failure because I blamed myself instead of the diets. 

Reading the book Intuitive Eating (ironically written in 1995) literally blew my mind. As a physical therapist, I thought I was being a good example for my clients by exercising so vigorously and regularly. As a mom, I thought I was modeling to my children what was needed to “fight obesity” as I watched so many of my family members die young despite (because of?) their own dieting efforts. How could I have been so wrong?! This i information has been out in the world for 25 years now. WHY ISN’T THIS MORE WIDELY KNOWN?! 

The answer of course, is money. The diet and beauty industries make tens of billions each year, profiting from our self-blame when yet another “lifestyle change” has failed to yield the expected results. They profit off the lie that thin and healthy are synonyms, when nothing could be further from the truth. 

Not everyone is ready for this message, or this work. Some never will be, whether due to a lack of desire or access to support. Intuitive Eating is not easy, or quick. Weight loss is not the goal, nor is it guaranteed. It’s as deep as dieting is superficial. The aim is not to change your body, but your mind. 

The behaviors around food and exercise I now model to my clients and kids is much, much different.

I never count calories. I haven’t weighed myself in years. I practice gentle yoga rather than undergo punishing sweat sessions. I don’t binge on food OR booze any longer. I eat salads and vegetables because I want to, not because I have to. I also eat “play” foods whenever I’m in the mood. I don’t restrict myself from any food groups. I wear clothes that but regardless of the size. I’m comfortable in my skin, even when I haven’t done my hair or makeup. I express my feelings rather than stuff them down with foods. I’m a hell of a lot kinder to myself and less judgemental of others. I practice self care on a daily basis. 

Want to join me in ditching dieting forever? Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here to support you. 🙏🏻